Scribed In Light

My daughter and I were talking today about relationships — and more specifically, about how women sometimes relate to one another. Sadly, we both recognized something that many experience but few openly discuss: how unsupportive women can sometimes be toward each other.

Too often, connections feel less like unity… and more like competition.

Instead of celebrating growth, there is comparison.
Instead of encouragement, there is silence.
Instead of shared joy, there can be subtle jealousy.

You take baby steps forward, and they are met with quiet observation.
You make a giant leap, and the energy shifts.
You share progress, and the response feels distant… detached.

In those moments, it becomes clear that someone’s position in your journey is not one of support, but of comparison. Sometimes the connection begins to feel transactional, or even draining — not because of open hostility, but because the energy is no longer rooted in genuine care. It’s rooted in measuring, competing, or quietly benefiting without pouring back into you.

I think many of us tend to meet people where we are within relationships. We give from our own sincerity, our own willingness to support, our own desire to uplift. And because that’s the place we operate from, we assume others are standing there with us.

But discernment asks us to pause and consider something important:
not just where we are… but where they are.

It’s okay — and even vital — to give of yourself in relationships. But we also carry a responsibility to ourselves to define what type of relationship we are actually in.

Because not everyone engages the same way.

Some give as we give.
Some take and rarely give back.
Some show up only when it’s convenient.
While others quietly step in when you are down and truly in need.

Recognizing those differences isn’t about judgment — it’s about clarity. Not everyone who fails to show up intends harm. Some simply don’t have the capacity to meet you at that depth. And understanding that helps us move forward with wisdom rather than resentment.

It isn’t surprising when one gives so much of themselves to another, only to find that individual goes AWOL when we needed them most. We need to quietly discern our relationships and give our best to those who are truly there to share in our journey.

It can be completely disorienting — even disabling at times — to realize that those you expected at the table of crisis, trauma, or adversity… never took a seat.

You thought they would be there.
You believed the connection ran deep enough to hold weight.
And when they don’t show up… it hurts.

It can create anger.
It can stir bitterness.
It can bring discord.

But if we remain in those emotions too long, they begin to affect only us. They drain our energy and cloud our ability to see clearly. Instead of staying stuck in the disappointment, we can shift our perspective and allow those moments to educate us.

Rather than feeling only let down, we can feel enlightened.
Rather than discouraged, we can feel informed.
Rather than bitter, we can feel more confident in how we invest ourselves moving forward.

And we can even become grateful for the clarity. Because insight — even when born from disappointment — helps guide us toward healthier, more authentic connections.

True connections — those rooted in spirit and heart — reveal themselves in adversity. Not everyone is meant to sit at every table in our lives, especially the hard ones. And recognizing that is not defeat… it is wisdom.

One way I often evaluate these situations is by asking myself a simple question:
How would I have responded if the roles were reversed?

Would I have shown up?
Would I have checked in?
Would I have offered encouragement or support?

If the answer is yes, and their response looked very different, then it’s worth questioning. Not with accusation, but with honest reflection. And alongside that, we must also ask ourselves: did I clearly communicate my need?

Sometimes we assume certain things should go without saying. We believe the undertones are obvious. We think the depth of the relationship means they will naturally recognize when we need them. But sometimes silence leaves room for misunderstanding.

There is strength in saying:
“I needed you.”
“I looked for you.”
“When I was going through that, your absence hurt.”

That vulnerability within communication can be enough to shift a relationship. It allows the other person to see your fragility and gives them the opportunity to respond differently in the future.

And sometimes… they don’t.

If expressing your need is met with understanding and growth, the connection deepens. But if it continues on a pattern — a continuum of absence, silence, or lack of support — then you have your answer. It becomes clear that the relationship is surface-level, and you must guard your efforts and invest more deeply in truer connections.

And there is also grace to be extended in another direction. Sometimes people don’t show up — not because they don’t care — but because they don’t know how.

There are those who have never walked through certain adversities. They feel unsure of what to say. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. Unsure of how to offer support. So they hang back… even when their intentions are good.

In those moments, silence isn’t always absence of care — sometimes it is uncertainty.

There is something deeply meaningful in simply saying:
“I don’t have the right words.”
“I’ve never experienced this.”
“But I care, and I’m here for you.”

Support doesn’t always require expertise. Sometimes presence alone is enough.

And there is another layer worth gently considering. Discernment isn’t only about evaluating others — it’s also about turning the lens inward.

Have we ever:
heard about someone’s struggle and assumed they were okay?
meant to reach out, but never followed through?
celebrated privately, but never spoke encouragement out loud?
allowed convenience to guide our presence rather than intentional care?

These questions aren’t meant to create guilt — they are meant to invite growth.

Sometimes we are the one learning to guard our hearts.
And sometimes we are the one learning to open them wider.

This doesn’t mean cutting every relationship off. Unless something is truly toxic, many relationships simply need to be understood for what they are. We can still care, still be kind, still maintain connection — but with discernment, with boundaries, and with protection of our energy.

And it’s also important to offer yourself grace in this process. Giving deeply was never a weakness. Your willingness to support, encourage, and invest in others is still a strength. Discernment doesn’t change that — it simply teaches you where that generosity can flourish and where it quietly disappears.

As I’ve aged and moved through different seasons of life, I’ve learned to identify the truth within those connections. I’ve learned to guard myself and protect my positive energy — not in bitterness, but in wisdom — so as not to continually pour deeply where there is only surface.

Healthy relationships don’t compete.
They celebrate.
They encourage.
They show up.

Women supporting women should never feel like a contest. It should feel like standing side by side, sharing in each other’s journeys, cheering one another forward.

Discernment allows us to maintain relationships without losing ourselves within them. To offer kindness without overextending. To stay open-hearted without becoming empty.

We don’t have to harden our hearts to protect our peace.
We simply need to learn where our energy grows… and where it quietly disappears.

Discernment isn’t about closing doors — it’s about understanding which ones lead to growth, which ones require gentler boundaries, and which ones simply aren’t meant to carry the weight we once placed on them. There is peace in learning the difference.

When we begin to recognize the nature of our connections, we don’t lose relationships — we gain clarity. And clarity allows us to move forward with wisdom, compassion, and a quieter confidence in where we place our hearts.

True unity is not built on comparison, but on presence. Not on competition, but on encouragement. Not on perfection, but on the willingness to simply show up — even when we don’t have the right words.

And sometimes, the greatest healing comes not from who didn’t sit at our table… but from recognizing who did — and learning to cherish those connections more deeply.

“Surround yourself with people who celebrate you, not tolerate you.” — Unknown

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“Wherever you are, be all there.” — Jim Elliot

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” — Often attributed to Plato

There is wisdom in understanding that we are called to love generously, but also to walk with discernment. To offer grace, while guarding what has been entrusted to our hearts. To remain open, yet rooted in truth. Growth often begins where clarity meets compassion.

May you move forward with gentle clarity, strengthened by what you’ve learned, and comforted by the connections that truly walk beside you. May your heart remain open, your spirit steady, and your energy poured into relationships that uplift and grow with you.

Sending you forward with a quiet hug of encouragement — and hope for deeper connection, wiser discernment, and peace within the journey ahead.

Tina N. Campbell
Scribed in Light

---

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
— Proverbs 13:20

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
— Hebrews 10:24

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best…”
— Philippians 1:9-10