Humanizing Instead of Humiliating: The Power of the Pause

The internet doesn’t exactly hand out gold medals for kindness.
In fact, it feels like the opposite most days — whoever gets the snarkiest jab in first usually wins the crowd. But every now and then, life throws us an opportunity to flip the script.

I had one of those moments not long ago.

The Setup

A photo popped up online of young women from the 80s with the caption:
“This is what your grandmas looked like back then.”

Not too wild, right? But the comment section… oh, Lord help us.
One guy decided to share his shining contribution:
“And I probably did ALL of them.”

Classy. Real classy.
My first instinct? Roast him into ashes with some sharp-edged sarcasm. Trust me, the comebacks lined themselves up faster than kindling at a bonfire.
But as I scanned the replies, I noticed something: he was already getting shredded from every direction. Women tearing him apart. Men calling him gross. A digital firing squad.

Adding my own bullet to the pile wouldn’t change him — it would just feed the fire.

The Pause

So, I stopped. Breathed. Reassessed.
And instead of humiliating him, I went with humor.

I typed two little words:
“NOT ME.”

The whole thing shifted.
He laughed.
He softened.
He even replied, “Ohhhh okay, maybe not ALL.”

I sent back a laughing emoji, and he volleyed again:
“Okay, okay, I suppose maybe just a few.”

Eventually, the man who had come out swinging crude comments thanked me for the exchange and even asked to be friends.

The Lesson

That moment taught me something: sometimes the power is not in the clapback — it’s in the pause.

By humanizing him instead of humiliating him, the tension broke.
Instead of walking away with more anger and shame, he walked away laughing. And maybe — just maybe — he walked away thinking a little differently about how he shows up online.

And isn’t that what we all need? A mirror, not a mallet.
A pause, not a punch.

Your Pause

Think about the last time you were triggered — online or off.

Did you respond fast, or did you pause?
Did your words heal, or did they wound?
Did you humanize, or did you humiliate?

We all get caught in the trap of firing back. But sometimes the most powerful move we can make is to step back, breathe, and let the Spirit steady our response.

Closing Reflection

Pausing doesn’t mean letting people off the hook. It means refusing to chain yourself to their behavior.
It means remembering that your words hold weight — the kind that can either crush or cultivate.

So next time you’re ready to drop the mic with your sharpest insult, take a pause instead.
Humanize the moment. You just might find the outcome humbles you too — and heals more than you expected.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor E. Frankl

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
— Maya Angelou

“When another person makes you suffer,
it is because he suffers deeply within himself.
He does not need punishment; he needs help.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh

With gentle love, illuminating wisdom, and a wink of humor that heals more than it stings —
may we all learn the holy art of the pause.

Love, Hugs, and Grace,

Tina N. Campbell | Scribed in Light

Scribed In Light