Scribed In Light

Some wounds don’t leave bruises. They leave patterns. Patterns that teach us to tiptoe, to question ourselves, to apologize for existing, to carry guilt that was never ours to begin with. For those of us who were raised in emotional chaos, where affection was conditional and love was laced with manipulation, we learned early on how to survive dysfunction. So early, in fact, that it became familiar. Sadly, what’s familiar often starts to feel like home…even when it hurts.

the comfort zone of chaos

When love was withheld unless you pleased, obeyed, or surrendered. When emotions were mocked, or your voice was silenced. When anger felt normal, and peace felt suspicious. You may have unknowingly adopted a survival blueprint that taught you this:

• “If I can just keep them calm, I’ll be safe…it will be okay.”
• “If I apologize, even when I did nothing wrong, maybe they will stop.”
• “If I try harder, love will finally feel like love.”

But…chaos is not love…and feeling anxious around someone is not a sign of connection…it’s a sign of conditioning.

the shame of boundaries

The moment you begin to protect your peace, those still trapped in toxicity will call or treat you like the problem. The moment you begging to say no, even politely or gently, the ones who once benefitted from your silence may rage louder.

You show up with grace, with an open heart, but because you didn’t do it on their terms they explode- and sadly, this does not stop at you. It carries into your children for many. They blame, they shame, and somehow you are the one feeling bad. You wonder if you were in the wrong, because guilt was the rope they used to hold your heart hostage for so long.

Hear this clearly:

Protecting your peace, and perhaps your childrens too, is not betrayal. It’s a blessing. It’s the beginning of choosing a healthier legacy.

You’re not just breaking chains – you’re rebuilding foundations.

When you refuse to let the next generation witness what you endured…

When you choose a home, and relationships, full of laughter instead of eggshells…

When you say, “No more guilt. No more shame. No more pretending toxic is okay.”

You become the cycle-breaker. You rewrite the story. You plant, grow, and build something new. Something healthy. Because the truth is, you/your children should never have to heal from your parents or any other relationship…and you should never have to keep apologizing to protect yourself, or your children, from anyone. You are allowed to honor your healing, even if others try to challenge or dishonor your growth.

You are allowed to hold love in one hand and distance in the other. You’re allowed to let your “No” be final and sacred. You’re allowed to move forward…even if they stay stuck.

truths for the tenderhearted

If you are still apologizing for someone else’s tantrum…

If you’re still explaining…when you know you gave evrything you could with the best of intentions…

Please hear this: You did not fail them. They failed to grow. You do not have to stay small just to keep fitting into their chaos.

I chose this topic today because too many of us are carrying the bruises of another’s lack of growth. Too many of us don’t even realize this is a toxic cycle that perhaps formed of childhood, of friendships or any other relationship, even marriage.

We sit in a state of confusion, questioning ourselves…wondering what we did wrong or what is wrong with us…and why this keeps happening. Hear me now – that is not only acceptance but it is enabling them- Saying it’s okay to continue to show you and yours disrespect, lack of regard, and lack of growth. I understand how hard that is to accept for yourself. I too had to awaken and break cycles. It wasn’t easy for me…but I DID IT AND SO CAN YOU.

Please…allow yourself a toxic-free life. Allow yourself peace. Grace. Healing. Growth. Let joy return where fear and anxiety once lived.

Break the cycle. Not just for yourself…but for your children, your families. For their laughter. For their future. For the love you were always worthy of receiving.

In ending I would like to highlight that some of us learned to confuse pain with love – because chaos was the only language we were taught. My heart goes out to you. You deserve pure unconditional acceptance and love. Any relationship which catches you up with anxiety and any form of abuse (physical or emotional) is not love. This post is for the ones breaking cycles they didn’t ask to carry. May you choose healing today for you and yours…

Hope, grace, and love,

Tina Campbell| Scribed In Light