Scribed In Light

There comes a time when we must step back and truly assess the nature of our relationships – not from a place of bitterness or anger, but from a place of clarity.

Alan and I recently found ourselves in deep conversation about core family members – the ones who, by all reason, should be among the strongest threads woven into the fabric of our lives. Yet, the stark reality became undeniable: we were the ones carrying the weight of those relationships.

We were the ones reaching out.

We were the ones making vital check-in’s, and making the effort.

We were the ones ensuring the ties remained unbroken.

And then came the sobering question: Why? For whom? And to what purpose?

At the end of it all, the effort felt met with indifference – our love poured out, yet was it ever truly received? In that realization came the quiet ache of feeling robbed – not just of our time or efforts, but of the naive belief that these connections meant as much to them as they did us.

For a moment, we experienced sorrow…confusion…questioning. But then, there was a powerful resolve.

We stepped back. Not in anger. Not in resentment. But in the recognition that we had given the best of ourselves – with open hands, hearts, and willing spirits.

When we looked closely, we saw the truth that had been there all along: The dismissal of the relationship was not our own. It was theirs.

CHOOSING TO ALLOW INSTEAD OF FORCING

Letting go of the need to force connection does not mean severing love.

It does not mean we turn cold, bitter, or indifferent.

Instead, it means we no longer carve pieces of ourselves out for those who do not hold space for them.

It means we offer only what is reflected back to us – no more, no less. It means we allow them the space to choose, while we remain whole, at peace, and firmly within our own grace.

This is not an easy practice. Especially when it comes to core relationships – siblings, parents, children – the people who should have been there, should have wanted to be there.

Yet, through the reckoning comes liberation.

Through the release comes wisdom.

Through the wisdom comes the grace to let things simply be.

A NEW POSTURE OF LOVE

This does not mean we withdraw love. It does not mean we greet absence with disdain or difference with discord.

It means that when opportunities arise, when moments present themselves, we remain authentically us – offering love, grace, and truth in the same measures we always have.

But we no longer force the moment.

We no longer chase.

We no longer pour into vessels that have no desire to receive.

Instead, we stand firm, fully ourselves, fully present in love and truth – without burdening our hearts with the weight of others’ choices, or lack thereof.

And so, the outcome of those relationships are no longer our responsibility. We are only responsible for the truth, grace, and love we give out. We are only responsible to our responses regarding the relationship, and not for theirs. In allowing them to simply be… we are also allowing ourselves to be.

THE QUIET GROWTH OF LETTING GO

It is not always easy.

Letting go of our vision for a relationship, surrendering the hope of what we believed it to be, what it could have been…requires mourning.

Yet, when we step back, when we allow rather than force, something unexpected happens:

We grow.

We gain wisdom.

We find peace in the truth, rather than pain in illusion.

And in that peace, we come to understand the most vital lesson of all:

Love does not have to be forced to be real.

And relationships do not have to be clung to in order to matter.

We simply allow.

We simply be.

And we walk forward in the light of that truth – lighter, freer, and more at peace than ever before.

SCRIPTURAL GUIDANCE FOR STRENGTH AND CLARITY

Once scripture that speaks directly into this reality is Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

This verse is a gentle yet firm reminder that peace is not about forcing connection or carrying relationships alone. It is about ensuring that we have done our part in love, without placing the weight of another’s choice upon our own shoulders.

Peace is not always found in closeness. Sometimes, peace is found in stepping back, releasing, in letting go, and in allowing others to be as they choose – without burdening our spirit with their decisions.

CLOSING REFLECTION: It was never Between You and Them Anyway

At the heart of it all, there is one final truth – one that frees the soul from the weight of disappointment, expectation, and loss:

It was never between you and them anyway. The love we offer, the grace we extend, the best of ourselves that we pour out – it is not meant to be measured by how others receive it.

It is an offering unto God, a reflection of who we are, not of how others choose to respond.

As Mother Teresa so wisely said:

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness they may be jealous; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.“

THIS, is the key:

We do not love only when it is returned. We do not offer grace only when it is appreciated. We do not give our best only when others see its worth.

We love because we are love.

We give because we are givers.

We stand in truth because we are rooted in truth.

And when relationships fall away, when others choose indifference, when we feel the ache of one-sided-effort- we can step back, release, and know we have done our part.

It was never between us and them. It was always between us and God.

And in that truth, we find peace.

Giving my best, releasing the rest, and trusting the One who holds it all.  May you find clarity in the letting go, peace in the release, and joy in simply being.  With love, grace, and the peace that surpasses all understanding,

Tina